It may have never been about the money

I want to tell you about what I have been living.

The thing we call a money problem is almost never a money problem. It is a wanting problem, wearing the only costume our culture takes seriously.

I have spent this year inside my own version of it. Breathing inside it.

Here is the moment it broke open, and it is embarrassingly small.

It has been really hot in geneva (same where you are?), and I did not have a fan. I had not had a fan for a long time.

I had been doing the arithmetic you do when wanting has become suspicious - is it necessary, could I manage, is it indulgent, could the money go somewhere more deserving. And then one day I heard myself think: I value sleeping comfortably. So I am buying the fan. It is on its way as I write.

That was it. That was the whole shift.

Not spending - valuing, and letting the money follow the value rather than the other way round.

What I noticed was that I had not been budgeting. I had been rationing my own wanting.

And when I traced it back, it went a long way back. A little girl at a dance gathering, upset that she was not dressed up like the others, and learning somewhere in that moment that wanting to be beautiful was a thing to be ashamed of. Many years later, I had my beautiful things in storage in Poland while I counted coins, absorbing a story I never agreed to - that struggle was the honest way, and that bringing myself down to the bare minimum was the price of belonging.

Giving stayed easy. Receiving got edged. Asking almost disappeared.

I have come to think of it as a valve that opens one way.

And money is simply where that becomes measurable. It is the one place the exile leaves a paper trail. You can tell yourself a story about how you do not really need much. Your bank statement is less flexible about it.

I do not think this is fixed by financial literacy. I have watched capable, brilliant, well-paid women read the books and still feel their throat close when it is time to say a number out loud. The information was never the missing piece.

What is missing is tracing our story in the body, in the beliefs, in the energy of our field while the story is being told.

So I am opening a place to trace, the inquire and to transform.

🍊 The Harvest

Five sessions. Twelve women. A container across the season. 28 July - 18 September. Online. Recorded.

We work through the story where it actually lives in the body, the identity that taught us what we deserve, the energy underneath giving and receiving and asking, money for the world we want to come, and then the practical shift - pricing, asking, owning our gifts and our desires. Learn more.

I want to be clear about where I am transmitting from. I am not teaching this from the far shore, tidy and arrived. I am inside my own live inquiry, with seven years of tools and practices in my hands, and the work is happening in me while I offer it. That is either exactly what you want in a room like this, or it is not, and both are honest answers.

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Tell me, what did you learn about wanting, before you were old enough to question it?

Hit reply. I read every single one, and your experience is part of how I understand this more fully.

with joy and laughter,

Anna Teresa